Santa Barbara's Finest pt. 3

It wasn’t until the following day, after school, that I found out a funnier part of the story. My roommates had been kicking holes in the wall and decided to go for the big hit:

Remember how bird nose called Doss a ‘little fuck’? He wasn’t lying. The guy is like 5’ 3” and looks like a cross between Bart Simpson and Bushwick Bill. Anyway everybody picked him up (per his request) and held him horizontally at about waist height to ram his head through the wall.

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Back to bird nose. Bird nose did a line in when everyone left him in Doss' room. He came into the living room and had his finger in his gums and a puzzled/terrified look on his face.

“What the fuck was that shit?”

The group stared in disbelief had this really just happened?

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Back to three days ago:
Right before they rammed Doss, another house guest stopped everyone and pulled away a piece of the dry wall, revealing an electrical box. Doss was shocked. He grabbed the piece of dry wall as a memento to the stupid things people tend to do when coke is involved.

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Back to Bird nose:
Someone had to tell bird nose, he may have needed medical assistance.

“You just did a fucking line of DRY WALL you stupid fuck!”

“Oh shit, oh man I’m fucked up!”

I think that was the first time I've ever laughed heartily and nervously at the same time. Heartily because, well, he did a line of dry wall. Nervously because, well, he might soon be dead.

So what does this tell us about election day?

That drugs, lies, backdoor deals and destruction of property are just as much a part of politics as they are college? No, you already knew that, you savvy reader you.

Does it tell us that, scientifically speaking, people with bird noses are genetically pre-disposed to cocaine use and maybe a Freudian nasal infatuation (speculative theory, not documented)?. No, that’s total bullshit.

It tells us that coke heads go on to snort many things: Meth, dry wall and the American Constitution (Figuratively).